Web App Service Stuck at 'Starting'

First things first: this is apparently considered normal and usual, much as any descent into administrative madness should be considered as such. Web Applications are hyuuuuge. Of course they sometimes fail halfway through launch, without issuing any sort of explicit message as to why they've failed! Then some of your web application folders will naturally vanish from your super-powerful Administration backend.

Why wouldn't they. This is Sharepoint's way of making you feel loved and necessary to the life and work of the organization. Never forget! Microsoft, after all, managed to eff over their Cloud users last week by failing to renew a digital security certificate. This is who you work for, however indirectly. These standards, you can trip over them, etc. etc., rampage, gin, etc.

Anyway. There is nothing actually wrong, and Sharepoint has not deleted, say, your institution's Performance Management site. It's still there. You can't see it, not even in Super Amazing Power Tools, because it's not turned on. It is not ringing le bell, as it were. Out like a light. Since you would like it to wake up and stop the screaming already, you need to get it started.

Here is where I got the information to fix this:
http://sharepointreferences.wordpress.com/2012/09/12/sp-services-web-app-stuck-at-starting-status/

The answer is type this Magic Machine Language code into what was once misleadingly referred to as PowerShell but is now called Sharepoint 2010 Management Shell:

stsadm.exe –o provisionservice – action stop- servicetype spwebservice

Wait the heart-stopping five minutes for it to work. Then:

iisreset /noforce

Again wait. Then:

stsadm.exe –o provisionservice – action start- servicetype spwebservice

This is what Sharepoint uses
instead of actual loading bars.
You will be seeing A Lot of it.

It will take seven forevers to load, during which time you will have not the foggiest idea whether or not it is working, because Command Line Terminals are old school and speak not of UX design, whereby the tiniest crumb of an animated gif of a loadbar is offered unto its users as a pacifier.

Your remote desktop will probably go dead during this time, giving you the impression that nothing is working, but it is a lie, everything is fine, secretly, though Sharepoint cares for your love and attention and is not telling you that it is actually okay under all that.

Wait five more minutes, click your remote desktop, watch everything load, and update your resume to "project management" with "strong soft skills" and "good at writing." Remember to leave off your strong tendency to ferret out the motives of everything around you, even things which apparently have no motive, such as software. Software is secretly full of motive. Things written by people, even people with autogeneration tools, tend to be.